something to think about

for whatever reason - this didn't matter then, and doesn't matter now -

She did it.

Knowing what she knows about life, at the mere age of 22 - 

but oh she had been so hurt in these little years, 

and oh .. she had hurt so many, 

knowing what she knew today - 

she did it anyway. 

She wanted not to - 

desperately.

She begged her body not to, she begged her mind - she begged it for some Reason.

Reason is not always so bad.

But it wouldn't hear her - her mind, 

her more than self-aware yet that rebel of a mind…

it didn't hear her Reason. 

It didn't want Reason. That's not what it was seeking.. 

her mind..

it was seeking only one thing:

more.

she only wanted more.

more than what she had.

simply more.

anything more.

anything whole.

anything worthwhile.

anything destructive.

And so she did..

and she felt disillusioned.

and she felt disgusted in her own reflection.

and she felt disgusted at his face in the morning.

and she felt disgusted at her lips, at her loins, at her hips - for having moved with his.

and she felt anxious, and exhausted, and lonely.

and she felt

…

she felt free.

how could anything… anything… compete… with that.

bir gun gozlerini acacaksin -

gozlerimi goreceksin -

kim oldugumu goreceksin - 

ve benden nefret edeceksin.

kacip gideceksin

bir daha gelmemek uzere

o gun anlayacagim kim oldugumu ben

o gun taniyacagim ruhumu

o gun kurtaracagim onu kendimden

o gun coktandir gitmis olacaksin benden.